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“Sex and the City” alum Cynthia Nixon: ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’
There’s a terrific profile on Cynthia Nixon in The New York Times that includes an interesting section on her becoming a lesbian midlife.
Here’s an excerpt:
Nixon manages to keep a similarly clear-eyed perspective on her relationship with [Christine Marinoni], despite the titillation it has caused in the tabloid media. She has less tolerance for the skepticism she says her relationship has sparked among some gay activists who find her midlife switch in sexual orientation disingenuous.
“I totally reject that,” she said heatedly. “I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.” Her face was red and her arms were waving. “As you can tell,” she said, “I am very annoyed about this issue. Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with.”
Comments
(All comments are reviewed before being published, and I review submissions several times per day.)
Lauren says:
It’s a choice for her because she is most likely bisexual and not gay. She can choose to be with either gender. She goes out with men -then she’s straight. She goes out with women -then she’s gay. She doesn’t identify with gay people because she can choose with who she can be with. Gay people don’t have that ability to shift their sexual preference. Our preferences are ingrained in us as much as they are in straight people. I wish she could understand how damaging it is to say it’s a choice because that just gives ammunition to the conservative right. Her identity is bisexual which is different than gay. She needs to make the distinction when she talks like this in public.
Paul says:
Exactly, Lauren. Thanks for voicing what many of the rest of us are thinking. Her comments seem pretty ignorant to me.
Robert says:
I see Cynthia’s point. Samesex relationships should be ok no matter if you choose to enter one or are genetically predisposed to it. In relying on a “born this way” argument as the main defense for the validity of lesbian and gay love we are saying that the reason same sex relationships are ok is because we have no choice, instead of because it is just actually ok, and it is. It also does little to comfort born straight people who would like to engage in a samesex relationships, because they can’t claim the “born this way” defense as comfort in a society that still paints homosexuality as immoral. Is their choice to Experience same sex love indefensible because they are not born gay? I’m proud to be gay, not because I have no choice because i was born this way, which I was, but because I know that any expression of love including lesbian and gay love is alright no matter how we come to find it. Maybe today a “born this way” defense is an effective one, because societal attitudes towards lesbian and gay love is so negative, but ultimately it is society’s attitude towards samesex love that needs to change, and NO ONE needs to make an excuse for who they are.
Michael Mirlas says:
I LOVE THIS!!! I’ve felt this way for years. Though I personally feel that I was born exactly as I am, gay and all, I will not explain away my intimate and sexual love of the same sex to other people. Being Gay is as wonderful a thing as any other authenticity of us. I understand people feeling the need to say “I was born this way so don’t blame me,” but I recognize the fear in that statement and its implication that “why would I choose something so challenging” and “it’s not my fault so please accept me.”
Michael Mirlas says:
What if it was a choice, wouldn’t it be a wonderful one? I say YES
Gaspar Marino says:
Does it really make a difference when you come out, or who you love? Love is love anyway you choose to express it. For me, being gay was not a choice…I feel I was born that way. To Cynthia she once loved a man and now loves a woman. Who cares? She is still a role model and also a great actress. Can’t wait to see her in “Wit”. Brava Cynthia, and best regards to Christine, as well.
2201 East says:
I’m bisexual. Having tried strictly straight and gay, I came to the understanding that a bisexual lifestyle definitely is natural for me. What amuses me most is the people who have said I just not willing to accept myself as gay?
Paul says:
I would love to be straight but I’m not. I’d like to have the luxury to choose, but my make up seems to have chosen it for me.
Becky says:
Bisexual people don’t “have the ability to shift their sexual preference” either, Lauren. But your compliments are a reflection of the marginalization of bisexual people by some in the gay community, especially lesbians. It’s sad that straight/gay has been made into a matter of black-and-white. It never bothered me that some people are 100% gay or straight, but why does this mean that attraction to both genders should be repressed in order to fit in?
Also, “I’ve been straight and gay, and gay is better” ? This is homosexism.