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Remembering my friend Walter Lee Carpenter III
Last summer, I shared with you the devastating loss of one of the closest friends I’ll ever have: Walter Lee Carpenter III.
Today would have been Walt’s 43rd birthday and I wanted to write a little bit about him – I wanted there to be something on the Web about this special person who left us far too soon.
Walt was the youngest of four brothers and grew up in Alaska. He got straight A’s his first two years in college and was a soccer player for most of his life. He was Mr. February in the 1987 Men of San Diego calendar and did both print and runway modeling while in college.
He went on Wheel of Fortune in 1996 and was the week’s grand prize winner (wearing my old sports coat in his second appearance). Walt loved heavy metal music, loved movies and his favorite television shows and he was a major football fan – especially of the San Diego Chargers. Walt was at his absolute happiest when he was snowboarding even though he suffered a very serious head injury a decade ago that affected him in ways no one will fully understand.
Walt and I met the day we moved into Olmeca Hall at San Diego State University in August 1984. I was trying, in vain, to open the door to my room (I’d been given the wrong keys it turned out) and Walt laughed at me after he walked by a second time to see me still struggling with the lock.
We started talking and he told me he was from Alaska and when I asked him how he got to San Diego, he said sarcastically: “I swam.”
It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. God we had fun. Fortified with beer, we knocked on every single door in our dorm (three floors) that first night and introduced ourselves as the “welcoming committee.” Before long, we had a sizable posse of friends.
There were all the college things we shared like all-night study session interrupted by constant games of ping pong which turned out to be something we played each other in for years. More than a decade after college, whenever we’d spend a weekend together, we would seek out the nearest ping pong table to engage in one of our epic battles.
I was not out in college. In fact, I was very in. But once I started to come out to my friends in 1990, Walt was the very first person I told. It was such a relief and as the years went by, he grew so comfortable with it that we would go to the boardwalk in Mission Beach – when he was single and lived in San Diego – and he’d pick out potential guys for me and I’d pick out potential girls for him. These afternoons were some of the most fun we ever had.
He really showed his compassion and understanding on New Year’s Eve 1994 which we spent together in Newport Beach. I was absolutely heartbroken over a guy – one of those real epic heartbreaks – but tried to put up an upbeat front at this party we were at. But once we got back to where I was housesitting, we started talking about “the guy” and I started to ball my eyes out. For about two hours at least.
Walt stayed up with me, handing me tissues, and mostly listening. It was one of the many, many times over the years that he showed me such love and loyalty.
Walt married the lovely Kim Rubi in 2002 and their wedding in Sacramento was a great bonding weekend. I hosted a bachelor party at my hotel and we got drunk and silly and had lots of laughs. We also renewed our ping pong rivalry.
Walt had chosen me and his brother Keith as groomsmen and his high school best friend Sean as best man. It was a traditional catholic ceremony and at the reception, Kim surprised Walt by walking into the room holding a microphone and she began to sing a love song to him. He took it in for a few seconds then leaped from his seat and over to her and listened to the rest in front of her on bended knee.
It was Walt’s 40th birthday three years ago that led to the worst falling out we ever had and it was our only post-college fight. While he had flown to LA for my 40th, I was unable to do the same for him. He was hurt and angry and we had a terrible email exchange in which I said some very regrettable things. I stayed angry for some time then did not know how to broach a reconciliation.
Two years passed before I sent an email apologizing. He was glad to hear from me and shared news that he was about to become a father. Then about seven months later, I got a call from our friend Howard who said: “Walt is gone.”
I’m not going to share the circumstances of his death or the deep grief it has caused for so many. But I did want to remind everyone to not let fights with your friends go on – especially if it is a friend who you truly love and who had always wanted the best for you.
It is the biggest regret of my life. I thought we would have time to become close again – I was wrong.
Walt’s wife, Kim, has been a real saving grace in this. She knew what we had meant to each other and she asked me to speak at his services and to be a pallbearer. Then a few weeks after the service, she asked me to be godfather to their beautiful son Tyler Patrick Carpenter.
Baptism day was a bittersweet day because Walt was not there but his mom Phyllis was there and Kim’s large and loving family. I did feel his presence and wore his red tie as we baptized Tyler.
I’m excited to be a part of Tyler’s life and happy to have a continuing friendship with Kim. I’ll see them next month for Tyler’s first birthday.
Walt lives on through his son.
Comments
(All comments are reviewed before being published, and I review submissions several times per day.)
Jeff says:
Thank you for telling us about your friend Walt and reminding us to cherish our relationships with those we love. He sounded like a great person. I’m happy that you were able to reconnect with him before his untimely passing and that you’re now a part of his extended family.
Anders says:
Thanks for writing this. Although I didn’t have as much contact with Walt recently (only a couple emails back and forth during 2009, like when he wrote to me about the birth of his baby), he was a friend of mine for many years. I played a lot of soccer with Walt and we hung out quite a bit when he was living in San Diego. He used to often come to my shows when my band was playing and my wife and I went to his wedding too. He was a great guy and loyal friend.
I was shocked when Sean told me that Walt is no longer with us. I also felt guilty because I hadn’t nurtured our relationship enough the last couple years and didn’t even know that he was gone until recently… I would have wanted to go to his funeral.
As Jeff says in his comment here, it’s important to “cherish our relationships”.
RIP Walt.
Cinnamon T. Nichols says:
Greg,
what a wonderful story about my cousin. I just thought I would google his name (and fathers) to see if anything would come up about either one of them. What a suprise. I was able to read this to his aunt and she loved it. Please keep in touch as he ment the world to both of us and would love to see pictures of Tyler as he grows. hugs
Darrin says:
Greg,
I was fortunate enough to attend his funeral and his passing was a real shock. I had gotten a call from his wife, Kim, and she left me a message. I will never forget that I just had a part of me destroyed and that we would never see each other again, thinking I had more time. I was wrong!
I had also not been in contact with Walt since the early part of 2009 thinking I had more time to see him.
Snowboarding was a big part of Walt and he had not gone like we used to in the past. We used to get 25+ days in a year but it dwindled to 1 or 2 days, if that, during the past several years. Sean, Walt and I, used to go on snowboarding trips to Mammoth Mountain (our favorite) and the local mountains in So. Cal. during our younger years and I will truly miss those days since they were a big part of my life.
I miss my friend that was part of many people’s lives and one thing that he taught me was to be more open with people and for who they are.
I know that we all miss him and I hope we will see each other on the other side.
Rest in Peace, my friend.
John L says:
man, what a bummer. i liked walter ‘guy’ carpenter quite a bit. he was goofy, like the rest of us olmeccan dummies. he certainly was one of a kind. now jeff carter on the other hand…..
Amy Wright says:
Wow. I’ve been thinking about my uncle Walt a lot lately and wanted to Google his name to see what came up. Since he passed before all of the “digital era” really hit I haven’t found much..: then this. You have no idea what this post means to me- to see his face and remember his life.
He was my favorite uncle (Keith is my father). So full of life and so fun. Every time a song by Queensryche comes on, I remember him and like to think he’s with me somehow.
Thanks so much for writing this Greg ❤️
Greg Hernandez says:
Amy, sorry for not replying sooner. I’m so glad you saw the posting about Walt. It’s been more than 8 years and I still think about Walt a lot – the song that we used to sing together was Diamonds and Rust.
I spent time with Walt’s wife I’m and son Tyler last summer (Legoland) and they are doing well. Tyler didn’t know his dad and yet is so much like him. It is remarkable.
Thanks for writing Amy. Please say hello to your dad for me. I know how much he meant to Walt.