I am 48 years old. I started working regularly in TV and film when I was 18 years old. I would never in a million years ‘come out’ regarding my sexuality. Because I would never work again. Well, I might work again, but it wouldn’t be playing the police officers, attorneys, football players, politicians, and other types of roles I am used to playing. I would only be considered for the stereotypical effeminate gay male roles.

I am reluctant to say this, but feel I must to make my point: I am not effeminate. I totally fly under people’s ‘gaydar.’ 20 years ago, my agent ‘invented’ a wife for me that I used to have to mention when asked about my personal life at an audition or on the set.

Things were a bit scarier back then. But I did it. Because I needed to work. I think this is really about effeminate gay men. (Who take the brunt of society’s abuse.) And if I were to come out publicly, heterosexual America would immediately strip me of my masculinity. Even though I am more stereotypically ‘manly’ than most straight men. Even though many of you have lusted after me for 30 years as the ’straight man’ you perceive me to be. (Once, I even made it into one of those ‘who would you want to sleep with’ polls. And I actually WON. And was terrified that the press would start snooping around my life.)

I am not closeted in my personal life – everyone who knows me knows that I am gay. But you must keep in mind that we live in a country where in 2009, I can still be fired in 30 states for being as I was born.

Straight folks, you simply have NO idea the hell that you put gay Americans through. No idea.

So while it sickens me to not be able to be open about my humanity, this is a heterosexual character-flaw that must be dealt with. And we really wish that you would stop trying to make this OUR issue. It’s not.

I often feel like a huge hypocrite. Because I have made a lot of money the last 30 years. But I was not able to do so being true to myself. And if I had been open about myself, I never would have booked the kinds of roles that I did. Some call me an Uncle Tom Faggot. But really, I am just another gay American who is trying to do the best he can in a world that wishes him nothing but pain, harm, and misery.

I wish heterosexuals would try and do better. I know you can.

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David Ehrenstein: Rupert Everett has been out for years. He destroyed his career all by himself. After the success of My Best Friend’s Wedding there were countless offers — every one of which he skunked. One of them was The Next Best Thing — which he produced. Madonna co-starred and John Schlesinger directed. His diva-like behavior ruined the project and some say led to Schlesnger’s death.

Wes: [Matthew] Weiner (pictured, left) is right, that’s the reality of the industry. He’s also right that it shouldn’t be that way, but don’t mistake his acknowledgment of reality as an endorsement of it.

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Jeffrey: He should not be led by what “people will accept”. He should educate them about is acceptable. This happened with actors with dark skin playing romantic leads. What once was thought to be impossible is now completely normal. It is self-fulfilling prophesies like Mr. Weiner’s that stand in the way of progress. “Gee, we sure wish our hands weren’t tied like this, but we could never cast a gay man in a heterosexual romantic lead because of what we know other people will think.” “I don’t personally have a problem with same-sex marriage but I know it bothers a lot of other people so I will vote against it so as not to make anybody uncomfortable.” It’s a cover for bigotry. Thanks for nothing.

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Sara: Jesus. First off, as a heterosexual woman, I find NPH and loads of other gay men attractive, and have no difficulty buying them as heterosexual characters. It’s called “acting”. Secondly, it’s totally irresponsible for people like Matthew Weiner, who are in a position to change attitudes towards homosexuality by casting gay actors in a variety of roles, gay and straight, to claim that there are limited opportunities for them. Opportunities are limited because they are MAKING them limited. If creators and producers would stop letting their own prejudices get in the way and just cast gay actors, I think these “issues” would all disappear. Take a page from Bway, where half the actors seem to be gay and no one worries about whether or not Cheyenne Jackson will be a convincing straight love interest (he is! Shocking)

Comments

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One Remark

1. December 20th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
   Kitty says:

   Okay, I am tardy for this party, but still: Do all of you who are so appalled by Matthew Weiner’s comments REALLY support out talent? Or do you only do it when it’s easy? I appreciate that sites like this one are committed to visibility, but it’s amazing to see its readers act like a problem will go away if we just ignore it.

   Few insiders talk publicly about this topic, and can you blame them? Weiner was pointing out a painful reality that exists in a corporate, fear-driven environment like Hollywood. He is then shouted down like he is the enemy. Do I really need to tell this community that denial doesn’t solve problems?

   The fundamental contradiction in many “out in Hollywood” stories is that we place pressure on actors to advance our cause, but we treat them as disposable commodities of our fickle entertainment tastes. We frantically applaud the people for whom it conveniently “all works out,” and we ignore, put down, or explain away those who suffer a negative consequence. When artists complain about discrimination, they are shoved aside and called “whiny.” When producers talk about it, they are demonized. The truth is that actors come out, a few thrive, many don’t, and we turn away from the “failures” because we don’t want them bringing us down.

   Yes, yes, I know you all love NPH. He was the right guy in the right place at the right time, and he deserves the adulation. Unfortunately, he is constantly trotted out as Exhibit A in the argument that Everything Is Fine and (largely because he is so famously “straight acting”) he gets the benefit of every doubt while others endure careless negativity.

   Things are thankfully getting better. It’s unfortunately slow, but worse, it’s fragile. The entertainment world is a fickle, superficial industry. If you only support the people and stories that make you feel good, you cannot expect people to take personal risks in a nasty, cutthroat environment that derives profit from making you feel good. In short, if you only support success, you risk letting homophobes tell you who deserves your support.

   So try not to be so angry about somebody pointing out an inconvenient truth. Denial never helped anybody come out, and it doesn’t solve any other problem.

   xoxo