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My column remembering Walter Lee Carpenter III
Encore presentation of a column originally published on Dec. 15, 2009 and updated with photos
Last summer, I shared with you the devastating loss of one of the closest friends I’ll ever have: Walter Lee Carpenter III.
Today would have been Walt’s 43rd birthday and I wanted to write a little bit about him – I wanted there to be something on the Web about this special person who left us far too soon.
Walt was the youngest of four brothers and grew up in Alaska. He got straight A’s his first two years in college and was a soccer player for most of his life. He was Mr. February in the 1987 Men of San Diego calendar and did both print and runway modeling while in college.
He went on Wheel of Fortune in 1996 and was the week’s grand prize winner (wearing my old sports coat in his second appearance). Walt loved heavy metal music, loved movies and his favorite television shows and he was a major football fan – especially of the San Diego Chargers. Walt was at his absolute happiest when he was snowboarding even though he suffered a very serious head injury a decade ago that affected him in ways no one will fully understand.
Walt and I met the day we moved into Olmeca Hall at San Diego State University in August 1984. I was trying, in vain, to open the door to my room (I’d been given the wrong keys it turned out) and Walt laughed at me after he walked by a second time to see me still struggling with the lock.
We started talking and he told me he was from Alaska and when I asked him how he got to San Diego, he said sarcastically: “I swam.”
It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. God we had fun. Fortified with beer, we knocked on every single door in our dorm (three floors) that first night and introduced ourselves as the “welcoming committee.” Before long, we had a sizable posse of friends.
There were all the college things we shared like all-night study session interrupted by constant games of ping pong which turned out to be something we played each other in for years. More than a decade after college, whenever we’d spend a weekend together, we would seek out the nearest ping pong table to engage in one of our epic battles.
I was not out in college. In fact, I was very in. But once I started to come out to my friends in 1990, Walt was the very first person I told. It was such a relief and as the years went by, he grew so comfortable with it that we would go to the boardwalk in Mission Beach – when he was single and lived in San Diego – and he’d pick out potential guys for me and I’d pick out potential girls for him. These afternoons were some of the most fun we ever had.
He really showed his compassion and understanding on New Year’s Eve 1994 which we spent together in Newport Beach. I was absolutely heartbroken over a guy – one of those real epic heartbreaks – but tried to put up an upbeat front at this party we were at. But once we got back to where I was housesitting, we started talking about “the guy” and I started to ball my eyes out. For about two hours at least.
Walt stayed up with me, handing me tissues, and mostly listening. It was one of the many, many times over the years that he showed me such love and loyalty.
Walt married the lovely Kim Rubi in 2002 and their wedding in Sacramento was a great bonding weekend. I hosted a bachelor party at my hotel and we got drunk and silly and had lots of laughs. We also renewed our ping pong rivalry.
Walt had chosen me and his brother Keith as groomsmen and his high school best friend Sean as best man. It was a traditional catholic ceremony and at the reception, Kim surprised Walt by walking into the room holding a microphone and she began to sing a love song to him. He took it in for a few seconds then leaped from his seat and over to her and listened to the rest in front of her on bended knee.
It was Walt’s 40th birthday three years ago that led to the worst falling out we ever had and it was our only post-college fight. While he had flown to LA for my 40th, I was unable to do the same for him. He was hurt and angry and we had a terrible email exchange in which I said some very regrettable things. I stayed angry for some time then did not know how to broach a reconciliation.
Two years passed before I sent an email apologizing. He was glad to hear from me and shared news that he was about to become a father. Then about seven months later, I got a call from our friend Howard who said: “Walt is gone.”
I’m not going to share the circumstances of his death or the deep grief it has caused for so many. But I did want to remind everyone to not let fights with your friends go on – especially if it is a friend who you truly love and who had always wanted the best for you.
It is the biggest regret of my life. I thought we would have time to become close again – I was wrong.
Walt’s wife, Kim, has been a real saving grace in this. She knew what we had meant to each other and she asked me to speak at his services and to be a pallbearer. Then a few weeks after the service, she asked me to be godfather to their beautiful son Tyler Patrick Carpenter.
Baptism day was a bittersweet day because Walt was not there but his mom Phyllis was there and Kim’s large and loving family. I did feel his presence and wore his red tie as we baptized Tyler.
I’m excited to be a part of Tyler’s life and happy to have a continuing friendship with Kim. I’ll see them next month for Tyler’s first birthday.
Walt lives on through his son.
Comments
(All comments are reviewed before being published, and I review submissions several times per day.)
2201 East says:
Greg,
Without your saying it, the kind of death your friend had does cause so much grief because can’i be a reason for it with those who are left behind (unless I am terribly mistaken). I agree with you that not protecting a friendship that means so much to you can lead to a terrible loss, can’t it? My prayers for you and your friend’s family. From what you say his wife is a very, very, special individual.
Robert Kabwe says:
Heartwarming to see that people do live on in the hearts of others, he’s here on the page today because he is there in your heart, and now the good person he was is shared with us, as well as the very timely lesson to let those we love know it.
Adrian says:
Thank you for sharing this …
joebatch says:
Greg,First my condolences on your loss of your good friend and Thank You for sharing your very touching and bittersweet story with us. It’s very touching that your friend Walt’s wife Kim is keeping the friendship alive by making sure that you stay in each others lives in such meaningful ways.God Bless all of you.Also,Thank You for reminding us what is important and should always be treasured in our lives.
David Noel Hinojosa says:
Greg,
I read your original remembrance of your friend, Walter Lee Carpenter III. I thought it was lovely. Your deep and abiding friendship came alive for me through your memorial. Needless to say, I was deeply touched.
Today, I have read your memento again. I am so glad that Walter is alive in your heart and that you recognize and so lovingly acknowledge this.
I wish only the very best for his wife and his son, and it bodes so well that you are his son’s godfather. It is wonderful that his wife is keeping the bonds between you and Walter alive and well, and that you are an integral part of their family.
My best to you all,
David Noel
Jimmy Cheeq says:
Greg,
I’ve got to Guy (Walt)at Mammoth Lakes, CA. Oh My God, he’s gone….I can’t believe it. I just happened to Facebook him and I found this site. what happened?
I met Walter (Guy) in 1988 while working at Mammoth Lakes. He was the first person I really liked and enjoyed hanging with. I’m so shattered now that learned he’s gone. I do have pictures of him and letters that we’ve corresponded after ML. He was one of my most favorite friends and i shall never forget him and his great personality.
Guy! I’m sorry I didn’t keep in touch with you….. I love you and will miss you forever.
Thanks
Carla says:
Hello Greg,
You probably don’t remember me, but my name is Carla and I was very close to Walt during most of the 1990’s. We made a trip up from San Diego to visit you because it was very important to Walt that I meet one of his closest friends.
It really shocked me and saddened my heart when I came across your article the other day and learned about his passing – especially sad to hear that he left behind a wife and baby boy. What a great honor for you to be included in their lives and to see Walt’s son grow up and also to be able to share stories and memories with Tyler about his dad that he would have never known.
I know it’s been many years since Walt passed, but I’m sure his absence will always leave a big hole in all of our hearts. Thank you for writing this article and letting the world know about this special person who left this world way too soon. I want to offer my deepest condolences to you and to Walt’s family for such a devastating loss.
Greg Hernandez says:
Dear Carla, of course I remember you. It’s so good to hear from you. Walt is very missed as you can imagine and I think of him often. Gone too soon, but never forgotten. I hope you are doing well. – Greg