Kathy Griffin talks to Time about plastic surgeries

You’ll be reading a lot about Kathy Griffin this week as she is doing a publicity blitz for her new book released on Tuesday. How she manages to be interesting in each and every interview I’ll never know. Here is an excerpt from her Q&A with Time:

A whole section of the book is dedicated to a horrific liposuction experience, complete with photos. You could have literally died from the botched procedure, but then you admit to doing it again. Why did you get liposuction the second time?
I have a lot of shame about that. The second time I had plastic surgery I got it done for free. People was covering it and I met a team of doctors that had a publicist who kept adding procedures. The guy who did my LASIK surgery wanted to do a “tune-up” and now I’ve had five surgeries on my eye. I have partial blindness in one of my eyes, actually. It was very much like Nip/Tuck where they’d be like, “Tell me what you don’t like about yourself,” and then they’d draw all over you with markers to highlight your “problem” areas. One of the doctors was like, “We can do a little teeny lipo on your upper arms.” I said, “Are you sure?” He said yes, so I went along with it.

Why do you keep doing it?
The reason why I got any work done was because I’m on television. If I were a public school teacher like my sister Joyce, doing the Lord’s work — unlike me, who’s telling dick jokes for a living — I wouldn’t have gotten anything done. But I have to. The next time you turn on your TV, think about the fact that 90% of the women have had some form of what I call “dental work.” That’s my new code.

Besides, I actually have a theory that my original nose has grown back. I heard that your ears and nose continue to grow as you age so I think that I’m right back to where I started.

Paparazzi get photos of celebrities doing pretty much everything, but they never seem to get pictures of stars after surgery. Why is that?
Oh, there’s a whole system you need to know about. First of all, the plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills all have secret celebrity doors. After the surgery, you leave the plastic surgeon’s office covered in a sheet that’s not unlike a burqa. Your assistant takes you to an upscale hotel where you hide in a dark room of shame until you’re better. There are bandaged rich ladies walking around the hallways of the Four Seasons and the Peninsula in Beverly Hills right now. It’s not unlike being a war criminal or a terrorist.

ALSO: Here is video (via Towleroad) of Kathy’s interview on CNN last night: