David Archuleta gives his most candid interview to date about his coming out journey: “I feel liberated”

It breaks my heart to know the suffering David Archuleta went through before finally starting to accept that he is queer. It’s clearly been a painful process that had everything to do with his Mormon faith. Thank God he didn’t act on his suicidal thoughts brought on by the church’s doctrine which condemns same-sex relationships: “I thought it would be a better choice to just end my life.”

He spoke with People Magazine about it all in a revealing new interview that makes me believe that he is going to be all right and has made it through.

On three broken engagements:“No matter how hard I tried to marry a girl, it wasn’t right. And if you talk to my exes, they’ll tell you it was rough. I’m sure other people who’ve been in that situation can relate. People who are queer, who’ve tried to get married just to do the ‘right’ thing, it ends up not being a very good thing, and it’s not very healthy for either participant of the relationship.”

On suicidal thoughts: “You just start feeling like, ‘Oh, there’s probably no point for me to live. I probably would be better off not living anyway. God would probably forgive me if I ended my life because it’s better than what I could become, which is if I’m gay or LGBT of any sorts, I’m going to be in big trouble spiritually.”

On stepping away from Mormon church: “For my own mental health, I can’t keep putting myself in a place where it’s so conflicting where they say, ‘We love you so much, but at the same time, you must change who you are. Oh, you can’t? Then we’re going to ignore this problem.'”

On his first same-sex kiss last year: “It felt effortless. I was like, ‘Oh, so this is what it feels like to like someone.’