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A moving letter from Mary Griffith, the real-life mother depicted in “Prayers for Bobby”
Thanks so much to Prayers For Bobby producer David Permut for sharing with me a letter written by Mary Griffith, the woman portrayed by Sigourney Weaver in the deeply moving film that earned two Emmy nominations including one for Miss Weaver and one for outstanding TV movie.
Mr. Permut has produced more than 30 movies in his career including Face/Off and Dragnet and tells me it is Prayers for Bobby that he is most proud of. The film was a 12-year labor of love and if you saw it, you know how powerful it was and how important it is for the parents of gay children to above all, accept their children for who they are.
Sadly, Mary Griffth learned that too late and her son, Bobby, killed himself. She has shared her story so that it won’t happen to anyone else. Here js her letter:
My name is Mary Griffith.
My life story, and that of my son Bobby (and our entire family), is depicted in the Emmy Award-nominated movie Prayers For Bobby. To say I am honored is an understatement.
I am delighted to see this wonderfully executed film generate critical acclaim and meaningful consideration for the highest honor in the television industry.
I am thrilled to acknowledge Sigourney Weaver’s Emmy Award nominated Best Actress performance playing me (which I still find unbelievable!). I am reminded of the present day; of our public school teachers and administrators who are not allowed to validate “out” gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students, and to provide proper education; of the military establishment excluding our gay children who take bullets alongside their non-gay peers in order to keep us from harm’s way; of some religions openly and actively seeking to ‘cure’ our gay children, further promoting fear and ignorance; of setbacks in AIDS healthcare and education; of the lack of a Federal nondiscrimination policy protecting all Americans from discrimination; of the lack of a Federal marriage rights act guaranteeing equal protection under the law for all couples wanting to enjoy the sanctuary of marriage.
I am also reminded of days past; the Stonewall riots; the assassination of Harvey Milk; the brutality of the Holocaust and the ultimate humiliation of the pink triangle; the horrific murder of Matthew Shepard and other hate crime attacks against far too many gay and lesbian teenagers.
Prayers for Bobby brings communion, guidance, honesty, harmony and finally liberation to parents, family members and others searching for meaning and peace, bringing comfort and understanding to their gay and lesbian children. Our gay children must experience the feelings of self-respect, knowing that they too are a part of the entire human race. This truth must be shared with all of our children, past, present and future.
May I say “Thank you, Bobby”. May I say “thank you” to my fiercely dedicated Emmy Award-nominated executive producers — my dear friends Daniel Sladek and Chris Taaffe who — along with their partner David Permut — spent the last twelve years working tirelessly to make this film a reality. To elegantly tell my story. To ensure Bobby’s memory with grace and dignity. Thank you to Lifetime Network, to screenwriter Katie Ford, to director Russell Mulcahy and all of you who worked so hard to bring Bobby’s truth to light. Thank you to PFLAG National for their leadership and passion, and all the PFLAG mom’s and dad’s out there.
Thank you to the heroic gay rights activist, acclaimed journalist and author Leroy Aarons, whose memory will live on in my heart, whose book Prayers for Bobby captured every detail, every nuance, every aspect of my family life and Bobby’s personal struggle. It is his original work that brought us here to celebrate this wonderful film. To all of our gay children past, present and future, this movie is for you. These words are from my heart.
Mary Griffith
Walnut Creek, CA
Comments
(All comments are reviewed before being published, and I review submissions several times per day.)
Jules says:
In addition to having wanted to recommend spell-check to you for quite a while (or at least to re-read your posts before posting them, with SO many typos and chopped off sentences), I would love for you to keep the names coherent/proper. Now, is it Mary GriffiN or Mary GriffiTH?
I really love coming here and following your coverage of all things LGBT in the entertainment industry, but these constant blunders really make it hard for me (and others, I’m sure) to see this blog as serious journalism.
Please, please, please make an effort to check your posts, and make sure that all the photos actually show up when you post them. Many won’t work, and merely display the file names instead… and that’s not just an issue I have on my PC, but everywhere I go and check out this otherwise superb blog.
Thank you Gragg! 😉
Greg Hernandez says:
Jules, I’m glad you got that off your chest! Trying my best.
greg says:
You know it is funny that I was trying to maybe find an e-mail for Mary, and had hoped to be able to write her in person, but am sure now that isn’t going to happen. Then to read the comment about spelling here just strikes me as really weird. I really don’t care to much about the spelling mistakes as I do the story. I think this story relates to so many men, boys that it has a bigger impact that what they think. I finally saw the movie this week on life time. It isn’t a channel that I watch often, so I think maybe they should get a few other networks to show it. I would say keep a box of Kleenex handy. I relate to this story because in my early 50’s now i was raised that same way, if your gay you are sick and something is wrong with you. I am still the closet gay and haven’t had anyone in my life to share anything with now for 15 years and don’t know if I ever will. I don’t think I have actually had a happy day since I was about 18. Thanks for the great movie, lessons to be learned and hope for all the young people out there.
Wyocowboy says:
Greg do I ever agree with you about the typos and misspelled words…myself I am 50 (just turned this year)and grew up in the same type of home. Currently I am back with my parents but on different circumstances such as both my parents have cancer and I am taking care of them. To this day (which has been about 25 years ago I came out)they do not accept me being gay. Living with them is tough with not just being gay, atheist but dealing with their cancer. The movie is AWESOME! I could feel Mary’s pain and when she realized what she had done I cried along with her. AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME movie..thanks
Jon Kirkham says:
Dear Mary Griffith,
Thankyou for doing all you can to make people see the truth. I am now 57 years old and knew from being about 10 or 11 years old that I was gay. I felt I had to live a ‘normal’ life because the pressure was unbearable to do so in the 70’s. To cut a very long story short I married, had three children and lived that life as long as I could. The time comes when you literally have no choice but to be who you are and that is where I am now. I had to leave 12 years ago and have lost most of my family and caused so much hurt to so many people. This need never have happened. Maybe some time in the future our youngsters will not have to think twice about whether they will be accepted.
Love to you xxxxxxxxx
Max says:
PeOple havé to do thé différence between thé bad inclination and thé act
Hâve bobby’s inclination doesn’t make you a sinner because they don’t choose this inclination
But the act is forbidden by the bible and there is nothing we can do about it
kirsty says:
love is not a sin, no matter what form that love it is in and love is the ultimate happiness, god would nor punish love
Prof. Dr. phil. Philip Churchill says:
This film is very moving. Some might say sentimental, but I think it depicts the world then and, unfortunately, now, too. Bobby’s journey, which sadly leads to his suicide, is one we’ve all (gays and lesbians) made.
Guy says:
Haven just watched this movie, i cried the whole way through.
we can only imagine what this pore boy went through, and that back then people had such small minds as to what is right and what is wrong.
And this film also puts out there for the people who abide by the bible that “children that disobey there parents should be put to death”, and “if a woman is not a vergin on here wedding day she should be taken to her fathers house and stoned to death” .
Now if this was true, what the “bible” says then surly this should be the case for quite a lot of the population of today.
But the law says that we are not aloud to kill someone! so what is right and wrong and if the law says that we can not kill our children for disobeying us or our daughters for not being a vergins on there wedding day, Then surly we should leave gay people alone and let them be happy in the life they have chosen.
I think this film should be played in schools for educational purposes so that kids grow up to know that it is ok to be different (gay) it may stop a lot of the bullying that goes on in schools, haven been bulled my self an knowing what pore bobby has gone through we need to let the children no that it is ok and to stop this outrageous behaviour before its to late, and our children end up like bobby.
Andy says:
Just watched this brilliant film 🙂 So sad but it is still so needed – unfortunately 🙁
Many children in our schools still experience these types of bigoted views – being put forward by people who claim to be religious and caring people. And YES this is 2014!
It’s a shame that children and young people still have to hear them – but at least society is moving forward and in my experience most young people when they hear this type of ‘nonsense’ being put forward just lose respect for the people who speak it. Thank goodness!
However there is still a long way to go to protect our young people coming to terms with their sexuality.
Mary I am proud of you for all you have done.
I to am in my 50s and have been fortunate to have had a family who have let me develop and be who I am.
All young people deserve this 🙂
Nathan . Sydney says:
This movie took me back to some very tough times. I’m 33 now and feel very blessed to live in a city like sydney, but growing up gay in rural nz was very scary and lonely a lot of the time. This movie may have been set in the 80’s but it is still very relevant. Bravo. Amazing
Stuart says:
Having watched this film many times now I still can’t get through it without a box of Kleenex. It saddens me that as human beings we cannot treat each other with basic respect and human dignity.
This film really brings the emotions to the forefront, initially so much anger toward the bitterness of a mother who treats her son this way to the more unbearable empathy and pain when recognising her sinful bitterness actually led to her son’s death. No matter what peoples behaviour no one would want any other human being to go through such a trauma.
In spite of so much sadness, hurt and pain comes hope – a family sharing and developing love and being able to share their story and send messages out to many others going through a similar situation that threes always someone there to listen, to care and to love, regardless of who you have chosen to live your life with.
We really need to share this story so much around the world. Thanks so much for the Griffith family and all who were involved in this film. Love and hugs to all.
Alan says:
There is one thing that those of you who have posted comments have not touched on, the question of religion and the bible regarding the subject of homosexuality. Religion in general is divisive, destructive, demoralising, and pernicious.
Religion in all its forms have no room in the 21st century. If a person has been indoctrinated from a very young age, and believes the bible to be true, and God comes before your family etc… and you’ve brainwashed your kids too, buy telling them being gay is punishable by being tortured through iternity, how else do you expect them to react…yes you’ve got it! Confused. Mary Griffith couldn’t see the signs that her son was in turmoil because she wasn’t capible of questioning if what she was thinking and saying about her son was moral and correct; if she wasn’t willing or able to question her beliefs at the beginning it was no wonder this tragedy unfolded.
Daniel bouwer says:
Dear mary, thanx for sharing your story it was realy heartfelt. My story is one and the same as my youngest brother commited suicide at the age of 24 one in the same way as your son accept for the tradgedy details. I am gay aswell and couldnt stop the tears from falling. It is still hard to accept the loss as my brother left us haning from a roof on fri the 13th of feb 2009 a day before my mothers birtday. All i can say is thanx for telling and opening a thought. My parents still tries hard to change me the same way you did bouwe
Janita says:
Thank you for this letter, and thank you Mary Griffith for sharing your story. It opened my eyes to the way my fundamental Christianity effected my gay son, and all of my children. I’m deeply sorry for my judgment of others and will be more active now in the effort for LGBT rights and respect in America!
David says:
Hi.
I just watched the movie Prayers for Bobby. It was great. I cried basically the whole way through. This movie is so similar to what happened between me and my mom and family when I was a senior in high school. I put the gay thing behind me and got into relationships with women, got married and had two children. I am now 31 and trying to come put again and accept myself and am fetting the same kind of rejection from my mom. I think avout dying alot. It would be so cool if I could speak to Mary. My email address is
truckerdad85@gmail.com. It would be so so nkce to have a maternal figure in my life that encourages me and validates me. Wveryday is a steuggle for me
Brian says:
Dear Mary,
I have repeatedly watched the movie Prayers For Bobby, and it brings me to tears everytime. It brought back alot of memories from my coming out, and most of the memories were very unpleasant at the time. My main fear is that my family would hate me, and disown me. I finally had the courage to come out to both of my parents at different times, and was relieved to realize that they loved and accepted me no matter what. I only wish that I could have known Bobby, from what I seen in the movie he was an exceptional young man. One thing that the movie opened my eyes to is the fact that alot of the youth of today is lacking is the number of adults who could provide them with advice and guidance in how to deal with the emotional side of being gay. I was fortunate that I knew of some older men I could talk to in order to gain insight and things I could expect as a gay male. If I knew of a younger male or female who is gay and was trying to sort things out, I would be more than happy to talk with them and try to help them out as I was helped in my coming out process. It’s not easy by any means, but with the right guidance maybe those of us who care like you do can cut down on the cases of teen suicide.I know that times are changing in the gay rights movement, but we still have a long way to go before we are to where we should be in society, and I commend you for all of the hard work you have done to take us further,and hope that you will keep up the good work!!
Sincerely,
Brian
paul leighton jr. says:
Dear Mary I came out in 1977 I am a gay male you were a GREAT MOM . I have a Great mom to this day, I wish she would have been more like you in telling me the truth about this matter. it’s never easy to tell a person the truth about the outcome of being gay. Love Paul
ramon says:
@Jules : YOU ARE VERY RUDE!