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Kathy Griffin talks to NY Magazine about Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Barney Frank, & Levi Johnston’s always a comedy gold mine when humorless people like Elisabeth Hasselbeck of The View and cranky gay Congressman Barney Frank decide to declare war on Kathy Griffin.

Kathy lives for that kind of sh*t!

She chatted with New York Magazine about the recent flap caused by her joking on her show, My Life on the D-List, that Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown’s two daughters were “prostitutes.” This led to a public blast from Barney Frank and to Hasselbeck calling her “scum” on The View.

On confrontations with Hasselbeck: “The first time I was on and I told her to bring it, I thought it was shocking that she had nothing. I thought: “Oh, I think I get this game.” My show is called My Life on the D-List. I would say she’s one click away from being the D-List Ann Coulter. My guess is that that’s who she aspires to be. I mean, I take her criticism very seriously when she calls me scum. I take it as seriously as I do with any other Survivor contestant.

Griffin added: “It was interesting and humorous and kind of delightful to me that Hasselbeck would pick this to go after — and by the way, you noticed she didn’t have the balls to ask the president why he isn’t moving faster on don’t ask, don’t tell, and yet she asked me if I was happy with the White House’s response to don’t ask, don’t tell, like I fucking work there. Did she watch an episode of the West Wing and think I was Allison Janney? Look, I get it’s a show called The View, it’s about different viewpoints — I don’t mind hearing from conservatives. But is she really the best they have to offer?

I mean, give me George Will any day. He actually knows what he’s talking about and he has better legs. But what’s so great about someone like Hasselbeck, is with these quasi-celebrities or whatever you want to call them, they don’t understand they’re just writing my next special for me. It’s heaven! And then when Scott Brown issued a statement against me — you can’t buy that! Barney Frank: “My D.C. insider friends warned me: He’s really just a cantankerous old dude. … I think he’s one of those guys who thinks he has a dry sense of humor. He made a point, which all insecure people do, of telling me over and over that he didn’t know who I was. We shot with him for twenty minutes, and cut it down to probably two minutes. It was a lot of him saying, “I don’t want to do this,” “My boyfriend loves you,” “He talked me into it,” “You should come to PTown.” I was like, “I get it, you don’t know who I am, I don’t expect you to know who I am. I make a joke of people like you not knowing who I am. However, I actually have a few questions. I am actually here to learn. Help me out.”

He gave me some good information. I learned some things. I certainly learned about his boyfriend and his job in PTown. That’s all de rigueur for me, that’s fine. But then when he supported Scott Brown’s statement against me, my heart kind of sank. Because I thought — if he thinks Scott Brown is going to support the repeal of don’t ask, don’t tell, you are high.

Then he got catty in interviews with legit places like the New York Times. This was so funny to me because I just live for rumors like this: They asked him some kind of a pun like her popping pills, and he said: “Perhaps she was.” You know my dream is to get a mug shot like Lindsay Lohan, or to have some sort of Paula Abdul–esque rumors about me being on drugs, or to have a Britney Spears 5150 where I’m on the gurney moment. So to have a congressman suggest that I’m popping pills — I mean, is he kidding me? That is a dream come true. But I’m afraid that the only things being popped in that office were Barney Frank’s dentures. Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin’s engagement: Well of course I take full responsibility. Here’s the thing: Once you have a fly girl like me, you’re desperate and you’ll do anything to get over me. The lengths that my poor Levi had to go to try to get over me are quite staggering. Bristol and I may have to have some sort of Waiting to Exhale moment, where we’re both Angela Bassett. Or, frankly I’d prefer that she was Angela Bassett and I of course got to be Whitney Houston. Maybe we can set his clothing on fire in Wasilla. We are now forever connected. I guess if Levi comes back to me I will take him back, because who knows, I could still be, through Sarah Palin — also an endless source of material for me — one click away from living in the White House. So get ready, Barney Frank and Scott Brown. I just might be in the Oval Office if I play my cards right!

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